I did it! I did it!

What a roller coaster the last almost-week has been! Last Wednesday, I woke up with so much back pain, I could hardly move when I tried to get out of bed. Whether I tried to twist or roll or shimmy out of bed, it felt like someone had my lower back in a death grip and they were ripping my muscles to shreds.

Or something.

It was no coincidence to me that this developed a few days before last weekend. Last weekend was full of all sorts of happy events - such as the 5K for which I'd been training and our church's 25th Anniversary Celebration - but these were also events that were stressing. me. out. big. time.

Like I said, no coincidence at all.

I persevered through my long work day on Wednesday, in pain but managing. I have a good chair at work and found that if I limited my movements, my back "grabbed" less. I figured the pain would lessen, eventually. When it got even worse by Thursday morning, I began to get more concerned.

I called a local chiropractor and they made time to see me that day. While waiting to go to that appointment, I got the news that we'd had some vandalism at the church - just in time for our big celebration, some jerk had broken one of our windows. More stress. More back pain. By the time I got in to the chiropractor that afternoon, I could hardly move.

He examined me, putting me through some painful tasks to see what was going on. In conversation with him, I said, "So...I've been training for this 5K that's coming up on Saturday. What do you think I should do?"

He looked at me with great sympathy because he could tell I had high hopes. He also looked at me with a look of: "Really? You can't even walk around my office today, and you want to walk 3.1 miles in two days?"

He advised against the 5K. And, later, as I lay face down on one of their tables with ice packs on my back, I began to cry as the reality of it set in. I was so. very. disappointed. As disappointed as I was, I kept telling myself that it wasn't worth risking further injury. At least I could still go to support my team, I reasoned.

The pain lessened on Friday. I iced my back some more and tried to rest it as much as I could. (This is not easy for someone who's using to picking up whatever she wants or moving things around at will.) I went and picked up our shirts and numbers and was introduced to a whole new cultural experience with that. And I began to have some hope for the 5K...

Sure enough, I woke up on Saturday morning, ready to go. My adrenaline was pumping, and I was doubly pumped by the cool weather that had moved in overnight. By 7:30 on Saturday morning, we were heading out into 60-degree weather - HALLELUJAH! - and I was excited.

Team Go Rev Go!

We drove to Ranger Stadium and I began to collect the team. What a collection we were: hubby, some parishioners, a seminary friend, and a friend from middle school that I hadn't seen in over 20 years (and her hubby). She and I share the loss of our mothers to ovarian cancer.

The crowd was amazing. Teal - the color of ovarian cancer awareness - was everywhere. I went to put up my mom's and my friend's names on the memory wall, and ended up putting them near my friend's picture of her mom. As I turned around after clipping my own names to the wall, I saw her eyes had tears in them, and we held each other and cried.

My loved ones.

And then came the walk. I was aware of my back, aware of needing to be careful, aware of a bit of pain, but mainly, I felt energized. I cranked up my playlist and went for it. And 57 minutes and change later, I crossed the finish line, finishing my longest duration walk with my best pace per mile yet. More importantly, I did it. 

After I finished, I marveled at the line of people coming in behind me. I told one of my team members that I was so certain I was close to the end. She looked at me, incredulous, pointing to the stream of folks still coming across the finish. "Yes, I know," I said, "But in gym class, I got used to coming in last."

"You're not coming in last anymore," was her response. And she was right. Not that the event was about winning, because it really wasn't. But there was something important to realizing that I wasn't going to let the kid who always - ALWAYS - finished last in gym class follow me around anymore. Sorry, kid - you've slowed me down for too long.

So, now what?

I'm eyeing other 5Ks, I'm happy to say, and so are other members of my team. This might actually turn into a way that our church engages the community, and a way for us to encourage one another in some really healthy habits of exercising regularly. Who knows? 

What I do know is this: I DID IT!

Grace...

Hubby -n- Me

This past week was all about choices.

Oh, who the hell am I kidding? Every week is about choices, right? 

Anyway, over the last week, I've made some choices that have meant I haven't walked as much as I probably should have...

I got in a good, though short, walk at the beginning of the week. The middle of the week is where the wheels came off. I really, really wanted to walk on Thursday, but on Thursday, my Hubby came home after being out of town all week for work. 

So, I made the choice that evening to eat a nice, quiet meal with him and then hang out on the couch with him, watching ridiculous TV. I mean, really, really ridiculous programming - but programming that made us laugh and, most importantly, made him happy after a long few days away from home and his wife and his dog. The three of us sat together, collected in the same room, and all was well.

Except...I really, really wanted to walk. I felt kinda twitchy about not walking. As my normal walking hour came and went, it felt strange to be sitting on the couch - just as in the olden days - the days (and weeks, and months, and years) before diabetes and watching every bite and finding more motivation than ever to get off my ass and move around more. It felt strange.

I got out there and walked tonight. I pretty much insisted on it, telling both Hubby and the waiter at dinner that I was going for a walk when we got home. Hubby lovingly got his dessert to go. The waiter wished me well. And we made it home just in time for me to change, get all geared up, and head out for a lovely two-mile walk.

While I walked, I thought about this past week. I thought about the choices I made and that I'd only walked twice this week. I reflected on how strange that felt and then - AHA! Epiphany time! - I realized how wonderful it is that I walked over three and a half miles this week, and - really - that isn't too shabby. Not bad at all for someone who three months ago was still getting her blood sugar sorted out and was really good at sitting on her ass.

And so, I'm not going to get bogged down by my choices this past week. I am, however, going to celebrate every time I walk as some kind of progress - some kind of forward movement - and allow myself the grace to sit on the couch with Hubby from time to time. 

Keeping Up Appearances (Or Not)

One of the prettier things on a walk.

Alright, friends. Exercise is ugly business.

Yesterday, I was leaving our subdivision (via car), and there were these two 20-something young women speed-walking down the sidewalk. They were adorable. Bouncy ponytails, matching outfits, barely breaking a sweat - I bet their legs were even shaved.

So why is it that when I walk, I look like I feel like some sort of porpoise shoved into spandex? (Hey, it used to be a whale, so that's progress!) I bought some cute-colored exercise gear, down to the bright pink socks. I wear slimming black on the bottom. I have a kicky little headband for my hair. 

Tonight was really a winner (so far) for the category of Ugliest Walk. I left home at Prime Gnat Time. That's right - gnats - really thick along my walking route, getting up my nostrils, getting in my eyes, making me wave in front of my face like some sort of royal idiot who failed waving class. I'm really surprised no one driving by waved back to me. 

Also, it was (apparently) Prime Allergy Time. Snot everywhere. Grossness galore. Sorry, shirt! Sorry, everyone driving by watching me wipe my nose!

And I tried out my new armband phone-holder thingie for the first time tonight. I felt like it would make me feel and look really cool. Mainly, it made me very aware of just how much my upper arms sweat when I walk - the damn thing kept sliding down until I tightened it, and then wondered if I'd cut off circulation in my arm (I didn't). 

I came home and made the mistake of glancing in the mirror. OH THE HORROR. Red face. Hair a gnatty mess. Arms also gnatty. Mosquito bites in some unfortunate places. 

This is not an attractive activity.

In spite of all that, I am so very happy tonight - so very proud of myself for pushing through the gnats and inclines and red-facedness because I walked my furthest distance yet this evening. I scheduled it out, I thought ahead about how far I wanted to go and how long it would take, and then I did it. My walk tonight made me feel - more than ever before - as if achieving a 5K is within my grasp. And that is huge for me.

Sometimes, hard work ain't pretty. But still - worth it in the end!

What I've learned so far...

I like learning. Tonight, on my walk, I was reflecting on some of the things I've learned since I started training for the 5K about six weeks ago. Here's what I've learned about...

Approaching storm!

• Commitment - I made a commitment to walk/run in the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition's 5K in September. To go along with that, I've also committed to train for that. Committing to the training means that I commit to exercising on a regular basis - which can sometimes be damn inconvenient. But it's a commitment.
• Risk - Exercise involves risk. There's a risk of injury, or - in my case - risk of a severe drop in blood sugar. There's a risk of being kidnapped (I've watched too many crime dramas!). There's a risk of getting hit by a car. There's a risk of getting rained on (see photo), or stepping in a big pile of dog crap or on a wad of gum. 
• Awareness - And so, to mitigate the risks, I've had to be more aware. I watch my step for all the crazy bumps and dips in the sidewalks. I watch my surroundings carefully while I walk - if a car slows down near me, I don't take my eyes off of it until I see what it's doing. I walk against traffic so I can keep an eye on oncoming cars. It's all part of being smart and being aware.
• Sometimes I'll encounter gross things (and it's OK) - A few weeks ago, I walked past a very dead (that is, decaying) rodent of some kind on the sidewalk. It was pretty nasty - but - OK - just keep on going, sister, and don't dwell on it. I've had bugs fly into my face (and, I'm pretty sure, into my mouth) and divebomb my head. Also nasty - but - OK - just keep on going, sister, maybe after a good shriek.
• Sometimes I'll do gross things (and it's OK) - There's a tremendous amount of snot produced when one is walking. I don't really understand why that is, but it's true. And so because carrying kleenexes when exercising is a bit ridiculous, guess what? I use my shirt sleeve to wipe my nose. IT'S OK. It's going into the laundry anyway, as soon as I get home. 
• Learning new things - I've learned so much about our neighborhood just by walking around it. I've learned new ways to shortcut to our house, where the messy trees are that dump crap all over the sidewalk, and that our dog's vet is almost exactly 3/4 of a mile from our house. I've also learned that the middle part of my walk is the hardest for me, so I need good music there to keep me pushing on.
• The exercise is good for more than just my body - It's so good for my soul, too. Sometimes I pray quite specifically while I walk. Other times, I just soak in the beauty of whatever is around me - someone's garden or a passing stranger's smile or the glow of a sunset. Tonight, during almost my entire walk, there was this gentle rain falling - somewhere between drizzle and outright rainfall. It was so refreshing to my body, but my spirit reveled in it, too - a reminder of God's care for the earth, even during the summer months. 

I'm guessing that everyone learns different things about themselves when they begin a venture like this. I'd love to hear from you - what are some things you've learned when you've stepped out into something new?

Doing a new thing

Last week, I got myself back onto the treadmill and outside, walking again. No pun intended - but I started taking more steps in taking better care of myself both in terms of exercise but also mental health and even spiritual health (when I pray as I walk). It felt good to get moving in light of the emotional week I was having last week.

On the treadmill, I pushed myself more than usual. I let the machine raise and lower the incline and I really worked. At one point, on one of the flatter portions, I even ran. Not much or for very long, but I ran.

And that's the new thing.

Some people run. I don't get it - I really don't. They love it. They are devoted to it, the way I used to be devoted to eating a bowl of ice cream or some lovely sushi with tempura-fried shrimp on top. I have never understood running, and so I was surprised, last week, to find myself actually running.

I started thinking about my history with running and - OUCH! - wow, did that ever hit a painful nerve. I remembered what I felt like in gym class in middle school (yes, the memories run deep) - I was the overweight one, the slow one, the one for whom running was challenging, the one who didn't even know how to run. I envied kids for whom running came naturally. I plodded along - with not one encouraging voice around me (or so it seemed).

If you think these things don't make a big difference in someone's life - you're wrong.

In high school, I was in marching band, so I marched, I didn't run. Because I didn't have to run, I didn't. I had to run every so often in P.E. in college, but it was always combined with lots of walking and huffing and puffing and an overall presentation of misery - so I didn't run much.

I'm not sure what clicked in me exactly last week that got me punching up the speed on the treadmill, taking a short run. But I did it, and I didn't die, I didn't fall over, and I didn't even have to stop  altogether. I ran as long as I thought I could, and then a bit past that point, and then I went back to walking.

So, with all the emotion of last week of losing another person to ovarian cancer (my mom also died of it - and there have been others I've known), I started thinking about an idea I'd had years ago. I live in a pretty big metropolitan area, and I figured - there must be SOME kind of 5K or something for ovarian cancer awareness.

And I found this: the National Ovarian Cancer Coalition Run Walk 5K, which in our area, is held in September.

"September?" I thought. "Well, it's only June! I can be ready by September, surely...!"

I've never done anything like this before in my life. Ever. But - I'm going to do it!

I find that I am really, really excited to try this particular new thing. I'm also nervous. But I already have several folks cheering me on - including Hubby and some good friends. I already have people saying, "Yes - I want to do that with you!" And I've already started taking some steps to get ready. I'm not sure how much I'll run and how much I'll walk - but that doesn't really matter. What matters is doing it.

I will keep you posted!